What to say......it seems to come so naturally to some, yet others struggle over the simpliest of things. I wouldn't say that i'm good at saying whats on my mind, except when it's to help a friend. But when it comes to someting very close to your heart, commonsense seems to abandon me and i'm left there, an emotional wreak. Pathetic!
Oh to say what i want to say, to explain my intentions and more important my feelings. Feelings, people who know me would tell you that they haven't seen my inner feelings before, outward appearences for me are a bloomiing mask. A mask that i wear to protect myself from what others my say and think. Again, it's pathetic.
When someone os close to you, you explore your emotions to find the relationship boundaries, once found the relationship can be sustained. These boundaries are what is causing the inner war i have going on in my mind. I have yet to find the definate boundaries between the one that i may love. Until then i can't tell for sure on anything, can't speak what is on my mind and once again it's PATHETIC!!
So what am i suppose to do? I'm afraid to say what i want to say. And that is that i may have found my first love. Whether or not it's true love or just a fling is trival, i can say i have never felt like this for anyone EVER! So what do i do, do i risk the friendship that i adore to state my true feelings for him or do i carry on wearing my mask, half hoping that he'll see through it........
xXRainbowXx
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
Thursday, 2 April 2009
Something to say??
Why is it that when you have something to say u can't bring yourself to say it. You are presented with the opportunity so many times and yet there is something holding you back, a primevil fear of the unknown. This fear consumes my body and mind everytime i reach the verge of confession. Confession? Is that the right word to use? I don't know anymore.
When dealing with other peoples problems it's much easier to talk about it and find the paths through the darkness that leads away from the fear and the threat of pain. But when i comes to your own problems, it gets u thinking. My main problem about this is that i know what it feels like to have so many people talking about so many problems that it feels like your drowning. Drowning in the darkness of fear and pain that isn't your own. A close friend of mine once said, keep yourself seperate and don't let them drag u down. I stand by this, it's my life line.
How to overcome the fear that i have placed upon myself and let people help me. Help me the way i've helped them.
All it takes is one ounce of strengh, one small step and a spark of confidence. The three things that are prehaps three scaiest things in my life. I don't know how to deal with them, how to obtain them and least of all how to use them.
But life is never forgiving, we take the chances we get and deal with it, no matter how hard it gets we take it in our stride and face it head on.
Bring the rain!!
xXRainbowXx
When dealing with other peoples problems it's much easier to talk about it and find the paths through the darkness that leads away from the fear and the threat of pain. But when i comes to your own problems, it gets u thinking. My main problem about this is that i know what it feels like to have so many people talking about so many problems that it feels like your drowning. Drowning in the darkness of fear and pain that isn't your own. A close friend of mine once said, keep yourself seperate and don't let them drag u down. I stand by this, it's my life line.
How to overcome the fear that i have placed upon myself and let people help me. Help me the way i've helped them.
All it takes is one ounce of strengh, one small step and a spark of confidence. The three things that are prehaps three scaiest things in my life. I don't know how to deal with them, how to obtain them and least of all how to use them.
But life is never forgiving, we take the chances we get and deal with it, no matter how hard it gets we take it in our stride and face it head on.
Bring the rain!!
xXRainbowXx
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