Life through another's eyes....

To see life through the eyes of another is something to behold,

To see the small details on the surface once missed,

To see through the mask of stereotypicalism to see the truth,

To see the purity of life in it's wild and natural state,

To see life again, as it's ment to be seen.

What more can i add? I have seen life through many eyes, not just my own, and have seen specticles i wish to have never witnessed. I mean not the eyes of other creatures, but through them of my fellow man. To see life through someone close to you is a precious object to be cherished through life's many ups and downs.

Life's up and down outside topography is an interesting rollacoaster to be experienced by all. All should feel the love and beauty of life's highest moments, but also to feel life's cruel sting of hatred and disgust. Only when we have felt both can we truely except the joy that comes with the high points in everybodies life.

xXRainbowXx

Work........and life...........

Why is it, when you've been in a job on and off for the last few years that you suddenly can't face it anymore? It's not that i hate the work or the people or the job itself, i can't think of any better part time job. Outdoors, wildlife and great people. But coming back from field work in my future line of work has me regretting my self confidence! Why can't i just go out and apply for work experience in the area i love, nothing seems to be right anymore.

This is the first time the feeling of over crowdedness has me thinking of my own place, to be my own housekeeper, have things the way i want them. To cook and clean for myself, to sustain myself independently. Oh how i yurn for a place in the countryside with sprawling hill side views and the smell of the country. (Even if that wonderous smell to me smells like cow shit to others!).

To be able to take control of my life, to have the supposidily life essentials. Car, house and Job. Three things that i enjoy thanks to others to an extent but not mine. My life's essentials would revolve around a handmade quilt and blanket, a good book and a log fire. Nothing else seems to be that important, maybe wanted but not craved.

It would seem that life revolves around happy endings, oneness with loved ones and completed llives. To have a flavour of any would prove interesting, prephaps a root course for my displeasure elsewhere. To be wanted, to be loved, to be cherished and to be needed. I have friends who say these things, but it's not the same. And quite frankly i can fully understand why i have yet to find someone who does feels those things for me. Take one look at me and you would see half of my reasoning, and i put that down to the fickle mindfulness of people today. No, my appearence isn't all of it, but it certainly has stopped people form finding the true me.

It's funny, when asked, most people say the cherish material items, can't live without them. I think most of my responses would shock people. The phrase small things for small minds, and i would wonder if people believe me to have a small mind. Bird song, waves crashing, thunder, the wind and the scent of freshly openned flower blooms are the things i couldn't live without. Sure i like some of my material items, the most precious would have to be a toss up between my crotchet hooks and my camera. Both capable of making beautiful and inspiring things, both dear for different reasons. One i pour my heart into, the other shows a world in which i could live forever, just in that one instance.

Well enough sob stories, catch ya on the flip side of things!!

xXRainbowXx

When times seem bad, the light shines through....

Some say that when the bad times came around, there’s the silver lining around the next corner to counteract the bad. Up until now i believed my silver lining was never going to show its face, for two months i have lived through some of the worse days of my life to date. Some worse than others but on the life scale of my life, they all scored 9. something. Thinking that i have screwed up royally and never been good enough for anything have been the rules that i have had to play by for the months just gone. The threat of losing a very close relative, the all too true threat of losing a close friend and the facing the fact that some friendships are not meant to continue to old age. Losing a friend is all too like being stabbed in the heart, the only problem is that you never die from it, it just stays an open wound until God finds it fit to help you to find a cure. A cure? If someone asked me what the cure to heartache is before the events of the last few months than my answer would be simply. Love and friendship. I find it cures almost everything in time, time being the important factor here. But now, my ideas have been shaken, they have been tested to their limits and i can proudly say that they have held. Although many would say the cure for this particular heartache lies with the one who is the source of the pain, my cure lies with the individual. The individual must be the one who, firstly wants the cure, and secondly be strong enough to except the conditions that follow. I have found it extremely hard to keep to my views and my methods of healing, partly because a rift has developed between those who i would have turned too. I am a firm believer in not adding my problems to those who have too many themselves. If God had not wanted me to work though my problems he would not have given them to me in the first place. Back to my unexpected release and sources of healing. My friends who i would never have thought of going to had i the option. They might not have anything extra special about them on the outside, but the inside id pure gold, the rarest and most valuable anyone could ever find. Their presence has been a stable mooring in a world of shifting tides of emotion, some good and unfortunately some bad. I don’t know what i would have done without them, i might not have been here had it not been for them. My light has shown its face, and the face is the most beautiful of them all. I have been able to focus more on the important aspects to my life, things that have put on hold while i tried to solve everyone else’s problems. And my light has given me a most wonderful gift for my perseverance through these uncertain times. A gift that i had previously missed out on due to unforeseen circumstances. I have no doubt that the work of God is mysterious and challenging at times but the rewards for the hard work are ever so much sweeter after. All i can say is God bless.

What to say?

What to say......it seems to come so naturally to some, yet others struggle over the simpliest of things. I wouldn't say that i'm good at saying whats on my mind, except when it's to help a friend. But when it comes to someting very close to your heart, commonsense seems to abandon me and i'm left there, an emotional wreak. Pathetic!

Oh to say what i want to say, to explain my intentions and more important my feelings. Feelings, people who know me would tell you that they haven't seen my inner feelings before, outward appearences for me are a bloomiing mask. A mask that i wear to protect myself from what others my say and think. Again, it's pathetic.

When someone os close to you, you explore your emotions to find the relationship boundaries, once found the relationship can be sustained. These boundaries are what is causing the inner war i have going on in my mind. I have yet to find the definate boundaries between the one that i may love. Until then i can't tell for sure on anything, can't speak what is on my mind and once again it's PATHETIC!!

So what am i suppose to do? I'm afraid to say what i want to say. And that is that i may have found my first love. Whether or not it's true love or just a fling is trival, i can say i have never felt like this for anyone EVER! So what do i do, do i risk the friendship that i adore to state my true feelings for him or do i carry on wearing my mask, half hoping that he'll see through it........

xXRainbowXx

Something to say??

Why is it that when you have something to say u can't bring yourself to say it. You are presented with the opportunity so many times and yet there is something holding you back, a primevil fear of the unknown. This fear consumes my body and mind everytime i reach the verge of confession. Confession? Is that the right word to use? I don't know anymore.

When dealing with other peoples problems it's much easier to talk about it and find the paths through the darkness that leads away from the fear and the threat of pain. But when i comes to your own problems, it gets u thinking. My main problem about this is that i know what it feels like to have so many people talking about so many problems that it feels like your drowning. Drowning in the darkness of fear and pain that isn't your own. A close friend of mine once said, keep yourself seperate and don't let them drag u down. I stand by this, it's my life line.

How to overcome the fear that i have placed upon myself and let people help me. Help me the way i've helped them.

All it takes is one ounce of strengh, one small step and a spark of confidence. The three things that are prehaps three scaiest things in my life. I don't know how to deal with them, how to obtain them and least of all how to use them.

But life is never forgiving, we take the chances we get and deal with it, no matter how hard it gets we take it in our stride and face it head on.

Bring the rain!!

xXRainbowXx

Stuff and Love

Why do emotions always confuse you when they feel so strong. Strong enough to cause conflicting feelings within my head. Love is one of these emotions that confuse the feelings the exist already. When do you move on the feeling of love, when is the time right to let the person know how you truly feel about them? Will the time ever come, and how do you prepare yourself for the reaction? Rejection is something that could destroy in moments but love could path a road smooth for the future.

Love, a powerful word. A word that i would never use lightly, only when i am sure on the extent of my feelings for someone i have high respect and trust in.

xXRainboeXx

To fly away......

That's what i am feeling like at this moment in time. Everything seems so pathetic and not worth it so why not just fly away for a while. Touch the sky of clouds and colours. The need to hide away but at the same time be with certain people pull an individual in every which way. I just can't take the pressure that i seem to place upon my shoulders anymore.

xXRainbowXx

Stuff 2

Hi,

I believe i have found some sanity here in my house at the moment. Freedom never tasted so sweet!

What can i say, i wish i hadn't had to break away from everything but it feels so good to have some time on my own and relax!!

x Rainbow x

Stuff 1

Hi,

What can i say about life......? The almighty question at the moment. Life.....it's short, it's full of holes, it's sometimes crap and good i guess, it's all we get, the one time go around deal. How do we get on with life when we have pitfalls looming up at us, ready to swallow us whole?

When do we know when to take a step back from reality and life it's self to enjoy one's self? How do you say no to the people who have become dependent on you for emotional support? When is the right time, if ever to say no?

Things this day seems a million miles away, like i'm living a life that's not rightly mine. All the problems seem to come at once, all the worries and all the woes that life brings. The problems? To say that they are personal is an under statement.......close friends losing the will to live, course problems, family problems. Some could say how many problems could one person deal with at any one time. To tell you the truth, i'm struggling with just one of the above, let alone the others.

I think it's time to break away, for my health, my sanity and my life........if i'll be able to return is yet to be decided.....

x Rainbow x